It was almost exactly a year ago that I received a text: ‘they think I might have ADHD and dyslexia or dyspraxia’. My response of ‘WHAT? WHY?’ was met with: ‘Because I leave everything to the last minute, I’m not organised, struggle to focus, but I’ve been able to hide it by doing a good enough job in the end – have to go, speak later .‘
I thought ‘well, that could make sense.’ It was an hour or so later when I re-read the texts, that I realised they were not from my husband who was doing a month-long course in Strasbourg and was struggling to meet every deadline he was given, but from my daughter. And it was only then did I see the similarities between them. Both always leave things until the last minute, can be extremely disorganised, planning is unknown to both, time-management is non-existent, and so on. While my daughter wasn’t poorly behaved in lessons, my husband was by his own admission a ‘total pain’ and as a result spent his years at prep school being repeatedly beaten with a gym-shoe on his rear-end, having his hair pulled (by one particularly vile teacher) and in one still sorely remembered incident, being hit unbelievably hard by the headmaster in front of parents after an ill-timed rugby tackle. ADHD wasn’t a recognised condition 50 years ago, but the official symptoms matched his behaviour exactly.
Fast forward a year and my daughter has this week finally been assessed with ADHD and possible dyspraxia, neither of which were picked up at all during her school years, but with the benefit of hindsight, the signs were there.
She is not alone in not being identified until university – a large number of people with dyslexia, ADHD, dyspraxia and other conditions, are not identified until adulthood. In my daughter’s case, the school support and her own determination kept the symptoms largely under control and for her, the ADHD did not present in the more familiar way. There was no trouble in class, she was able to largely sit still – only when one teacher repeatedly refused to let her use her laptop for note-taking in the sixth form, was there any hint of an issue. And of course, the positives that come from ADHD were certainly present and helped her thrive: spontaneity, energy, creativity and inventiveness and the ability to hyperfocus when something really captured her attention.
There is an understandable reluctance by many parents to allow their children to be assessed because they are afraid of them being labelled. They are worried that schools might lose sight of the child behind the ‘dyslexic’ or ADHD tag, not seeing who they really are. But having taught a huge number of children who have dyslexia, or dyspraxia, ADHD or a range of other issues, I can assure you that the benefits of being identified as early as possible outweigh the disadvantages.
Let me tell you about ‘Anna’, whom I met in year 8. She had been shy and quiet in year 7 but became increasingly more difficult through that year, being disruptive, attention-seeking and openly rude to staff. Her behaviour deteriorated to the point that her parents were planning to move her to a different school as after temporary suspensions, she was on the verge of permanent exclusion. Considerable time was spent with Anna to try and get to the bottom of her behaviour which was far worse in some lessons than in others and it took almost a year to convince her parents to allow an assessment by an Educational Psychologist. By now she was approaching year 10, had a reputation for atrocious behaviour and was spiralling downward fast. Her grades were sliding and many were giving up on her – the future was starting to look bleak.
Finally, she was given an assessment. She was dyslexic, with a reading age of 8, but intellectually was exactly where she should be. She had managed to mask her difficulties by misbehaving because she was so embarrassed by her daily struggles and inability to cope with the work. When her parents heard the outcome of the report, her mother said that it wasn’t a huge surprise, as she herself was very dyslexic and so were others in the family. She had decided not to share this with the school – or her daughter – because she didn’t want her labelled. All it meant, however, was that her daughter lost several years of targeted support and received a different label as the ‘naughty girl’. Anna managed to get enough GCSEs to continue to A Levels and then to university, but her journey was made much more difficult than it needed to be.
I follow another mother on social media who has resisted assessment for her son who has had serious behavioural issues both at home and at school because she was concerned about him being labelled. After many readers of her blog contacted her to say they recognised themselves in her son’s behaviour and what a difference help and support would have made to them, she changed her mind. Her son is now in the process of being formally assessed, which will give the family and the school the information they need. She has spoken of being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel and the relief of seeing a way through the difficulties.
What many parents do not realise, is that with an assessment comes guidance, advice and support for the school as well as the family. It gives parents a much stronger position to ensure that their child’s needs are being met. If those needs are such that they require a formal Statement of Special Educational Needs (SEN) or an Education, Health and Care Plan (EHC Plan or ECHP), the school is obligated to meet them.
For many children – and adults – giving a name to their difficulties can come as a huge relief. Often, they know something is wrong, but think they are ‘stupid’ or ‘bad’, so to know that there is a cause beyond their control can help restore self-esteem and let them see a way forward. When my husband realised that he fits the profile of someone with ADHD, so many things fell into place. At his age, a formal conclusion is unnecessary but for students at university, a proper diagnosis can be hugely beneficial, bringing with it additional funding, support, time in exams and so on.
A diagnosis should never be used as an excuse for poor behaviour, but as an explanation – it can be invaluable. Work with your child’s school to ensure their needs are being properly met and make sure you look for strategies to help support them. It is better to have a formal label than to have their self-esteem destroyed by always being known as the ‘bad kid’.
For further advice and support please contact Heywood de Ferrer Associates.
